memorial day

My mother died on Memorial Day in 1978.  Even on the years when the date, May 29th, and the holiday don't overlap, I always observe her death on this day, for this is when I understood what dying is like.

On this day my mother is full in me and though I hoped to write much more in her honor, tonight I remember her as I am able.

My Life as Story

For many years, I kept what was sorrowful in my life hidden, in favor of something more acceptable, but still it was usually too much for the person who'd asked a question as innocent as where do your parents live to receive an answer they were unprepared to hear.  I'd immediately recognize the expression of disbelief that would slip through without their permission along with their appraisal of me-- how much is she in need, for certainly there will be need under these circumstances-- and I'd feel that familiar ache in me that demanded no more questions which could further separate me from belonging.

Worldess Wednesday: Spring Fever with Friend

Blood

Before this year, there was no one with blood ties to claim me.  All of my relations were by marriage not birth.  Now I am growing heavier in this world with a child and a cousin, who reentered my life last summer after a long absence.

Worldess Wednesday: Spring in the City

Preliminary News

I don't want anything to take me away from you.  Though I felt a sharp pain when Aaron said this, I smiled slowly, carefully.

Settling in

Safety is the word that dominates my days.  There are germs and dangers and things that I can't control, but desperately want to, and must, because this is my responsibility; the well-being of my family rests on me.

Worldess Wednesday: mama and baby on Mother's Day

Woman Seeking Inspiration

Welcome to the May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role model
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have waxed poetic about how their parenting has inspired others, or how others have inspired them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Some women seem to know the terrain of motherhood by heart.  I am not one of those women.  As a motherless mother, I have always felt like a foreigner in this land of mothers, desperate to learn the language, adopt the customs, and cultivate my maternal instincts.

Mother's Day a year later

On this day that I imagined would inspire me to write volumes, instead I find myself scrounging for words.  I have been away from the computer too much this week addressing important household preparations for the stem cell transplant and now I am a beggar as I sit down to write.

Curious mom replies

After many days in wait, when I saw the email from curious mom, I let out a small shriek of delight.  A current of anticipation raced through me, fast and challenging-- open it now--but before I could click on the letter, my hand began to tremble.

Wordless Wednesday: Womb Bath