dear michelle...i was happy to hear from you. i will be out of town for 2 weeks and probably not near a computer. i wonder who else was in your life besides your grandmother. sometimes that can be such an affirming relationship...grandmothers are supposed to be such safe havens. i didn't have one and now as a grandmother myself i feel as though i am writing my own script.
did you have siblings to share your early years with? and i wonder how much grief work you have done? (whatever that means) I quite understand the need to feel mothered. i translate that into feeling safe, unique, valued, cared for tenderly. what i have missed the most is that i could not give back to my mother, that i simply couldn't bring her a cup of tea and sit in the sun at the window and talk about nothing. i am sure that what your mother would want for you is to be happy and live your own life. i feel that way about my children, that they must live the right life for them. i hope i can help you but i'm not certain what you are looking for. but please believe i do know what your emptiness feels like. you are not alone. take care, christine