this mother's intention

Why is Aaron sick?  I contemplate this frequently and urgently.  Friends ask me what are the odds that I would be without parents or siblings and then marry someone who contracts a serious illness so young? Friends speculate that there must be some strange karma in my life that necessitates my being a caretaker for loved ones.  Friends wonder why Aaron's cancer appeared when we were about to start a family then   returned just as we planned to have another child.

Is there a pattern in my life around disease?

Over the years, whenever anyone brought up theories of karma or questioned what purpose illness serves in my life, I immediately turned my mind from this type of thought.  Why would I invite sickness?  Why would I, a motherless daughter, need more anxiety and loss?  I wouldn't.  I don't.  And yet it is here in my life once again--the possibility of losing my family.

I recently completed a professional coach training program that utilized not only a cognitive behavioral framework, similar to other courses I've taken over the years, but also focused on the Law of Attraction.  The basic premise is that whatever you are focused on is what is brought into your life.

And what has my motherless mind been fixated on since I was a child?  Loss.  Loss by illness.  By accident.  By people just not wanting me around anymore.    

In this Law of Attraction model, your subconscious mind does not distinguish between what you desire and what you fear.  Whatever occupies your thoughts, feeds your emotions, makes up your beliefs is what you will manifest.

So is it possible that my subconscious mind has brought forth exactly what is in my mind?  And if so, can activating my intentions toward wellness and familial abundance change the landscape of my life?

I believe it can.

This is a topic I plan to explore further in posts to come so there will be more detail on the philosophy and our journey back to a life in joyful balance.