Reading your letters are an extraordinary experience for me. To imagine such an incredible woman out there in the world, not only reflecting on what is experienced between a mother and a daughter, sister and sister, but one willing to extend herself to me because of my ad, exceeds my hopes.
You have shown me that there is possibility and this alone has given me such joy. In what you've already shared, I feel a connection. I asked myself if this will be the connection I've always dreamt of. I don't know, but I want to thank you for this beautiful and unknown potential.
I love that you are willing to take emotional risks. Writing this ad was certainly that for me. I knew that I could be hurt by exposing myself in this way, but I trusted my instincts that I would be able to discern what is good for me. My husband says that I wear my heart on my sleeve. In some ways, I agree with this. I am very honest about what I feel. I am also flexible and forgiving. I appreciate people who can be the same. In trying to describe myself, I realized the words that often come to mind are: independant, adaptable and persistent.
Your letters are definitely forcing me to begin to really define what it is that I am looking for in a mother figure. I don't think that I am looking to make up for what I didn't have. I have come to a place of understanding and acceptance for the limitations of my mother and grandmother and how they shaped me. It wasn't always an easy journey, but it was the one that was mine to take.
If I could build a mother, I would say that she would tell stories like Louise Erdrich, sing to me like Sinead O'Connor, share the wonders of the natural world like Rosemary Gladstar, have the generous and tender heart and broad interest in people of Oprah Winfrey, know the depths of the body and spirit as Shiva Rhea...
Sincerely, I want someone who I enjoy talking with and spending time with and who I can trust to genuinely care for me. I do not need constant contact but want to know that the feelings are there and that there is genuine pleasure when you hear my voice or see me. I do not need 24 hour on call status but hope that if I do need attention that you will make the time as you are able because you want to. And that is the essence of it. Someone who cares for and accepts me. I would love it to be as a mother would for her daughter but don't know if this may exceed the reality of what I can expect. You did not give birth to me and raise me. You did not give birth to me and give me away only to find me later. You did not adopt me as a child to call your own. I have grown into the woman I am now at this moment in time without you.
But I would love to explore what could be...