motherly criticism 3

This morning Lori tells me that I must resurrect the Blog.  She reminds me once again of what she always tries to instill in me--her theory that what people say is more a reflection of their own issues than anything to do with with me.  She may be right but I've lost my way.   My compromise is to keep writing on paper, one minute, two minutes, five minutes, anything to rediscover my direction.  I seem to be writing mainly about not writing and the many reasons I am not doing what I claim to desire.  So full with this story, I no longer sleep but I don't get up to write because it feels irresponsible. Shouldn't I conserve my energy for my child?  With each word I dare to commit, I hear Kris's voice join my own.  Then the dogs howl to go out, and Sasha cries for me.   A chorus of discouragement: What are you thinking?  You must stop this farce.